i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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