Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
