Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
