R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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