Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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