I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
bring money and cleavage
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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