if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
