im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
