so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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