Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
