Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
