Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
