kristin has been a bad kristin
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
