My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
