How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
