Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
