How'd it feel making her break her religion?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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