I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
