Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize