Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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