She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
