I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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