I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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