So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize