three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
