R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
