I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
