Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
