Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
