my soul wont recognize me after tonight
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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