You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
