Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
