Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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