Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize