I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
