I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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