I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
