I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
