I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
