Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
where are my eyebrows?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
