Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
