i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
