Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
