if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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