It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who died my cat blue again?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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