My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
