is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
