Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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