omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
