how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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