Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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