I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
