They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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