I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
