After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
