YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
