party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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