I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize