She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
