you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
