I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
