this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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