They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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