first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize