We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
