I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
