Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
