hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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