Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got her a Nickelback box set.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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