I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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