My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
