yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
