i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
