why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
