I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
