@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
