she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
