Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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