Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize