do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
