Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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