I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize