I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize