Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
