I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
