____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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