Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
