Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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