Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
