dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
