I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
