Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
