I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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