We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize