Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
