Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
