I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
