Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize