Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
