:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
