What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
