We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
