when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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