Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
