Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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