I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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