Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
